


Everything in its Right Place

by SoundandColor



Category: Magic of Ordinary Days (2005)
Genre: 1940s, Arranged Marriage, F/M, Married Couple, Rare Fandoms, Slice of Life, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-21
Updated: 2011-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-27 17:00:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/298041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoundandColor/pseuds/SoundandColor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s easy to forget there’s a world beyond the borders of this farm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything in its Right Place

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xmarisolx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xmarisolx/gifts).



> I want to thank [lukecanwaltz88](http://lukecanwaltz88.livejournal.com/) for the last minute beta. You helped me out immensely! I also, of course, decided a few hours ago that this needed to be edited so please forgive any lingering mistakes.

It’s easy to forget there’s a world beyond the borders of this farm.

They rarely need to go into town and each house is far enough away from one another that, sometimes, she feels like they’re on their own planet. That the shortages and the poverty and even the war can’t touch them.

The Livy who was in graduate school, the one who dreamed of traveling and digging up fossils. The one who wanted to know everything about the world outside of her own little corner of it would walk right by the Livy of today without a second look. It’s not that she’s changed so very much; it’s just that now she’s more interested in living the life she has than she is in escaping it. She’s content and, more than that, she’s finally achieved a hard won happiness.

The old her wouldn’t recognize the woman she’s become.

Ray’s working on the same tractor he’s been tinkering with since she moved in when he finally looks up and sees her standing in the doorway. He smiles tightly but she can see his mind’s somewhere else. “What is it?”

“I can’t get this damn thing to turn over.”

Her mind snags on the cuss word before she gingerly moves further into the room, wishing she had at least slipped on her house shoes before coming out here. “Well This one looks pretty old,” she mutters, staring at the rusted nails and beat up exterior. “Why don’t we buy a new one?”

He laughs a little and wipes some of the gasoline from his hands. “New ones cost quite a bit, Livy. All we need is a part.”

“How much would that cost?”

“Not as much as a brand new one but still pretty expensive. I think I can probably fix this old one anyway.”

It’s been almost two years since she moved out here and he hasn’t been successful at fixing it yet, but the even older tractor he and his brother rode is still in working order so he’s probably in no hurry. She thinks maybe he’s more interested in the tinkering than the actual finishing. Ray’s a man who likes to use his hands. With winter coming down on them fast and most of the harvesting having been completed, there’s not as much to do on that front anymore.

Livy leaves him to it and when she reaches the porch, she can hear the phone begin to ring. She hesitates for a split second. Even after almost a year of its presence on the farm, hearing it ring was a novelty. Lately though, it’s begun to feel more like an intrusion.

She ignores her uneasiness and goes inside to answer it.

“Hello?” Livy asks and when no one answers, she guesses she must have missed them and is about to hang up when a man speaks.

“Good Morning. Is Mr. Singleton available to come to the phone?”

“He’s actually right in the middle of something but if you leave your number, I’ll tell him you called.”

He repeats a name and seven digits she’s become familiar with before hanging up. Livy looks down at his information on the slip of paper, walks over to the kitchen and sticks it on the fridge next to three other identical messages. She stares at them, something like dread beginning to work its way into her mind as she walks away and goes upstairs to check on Danny.

\--

By the end of summer, Livy is in the water every day, remembering why she loved to swim.

“There are these things,” a male voice says from the edge of the swimming hole and Livy smiles, not bothering to open her eyes. “They’re called bathing suits and people usually wear them in the water.”

“Why bother when there are slips?”

He laughs and tilts his head to the side with a smile. “That’s very practical of you.”

“I try.” She works her arms and moves in a lazy circle as she watches him. Ray’s wearing a shirt that she’s sure was white at one time and a pair of jeans. Even covered in dust from the fields, she knows she wants him closer. “Join me.”

He takes what looks to be an unconscious step forward before thinking better of it. “Where’s Daniel?”

She nods toward a heap of sheets with a pair of stubby legs sticking out. “We went swimming and he fell asleep. Since it’s so nice out today, I thought he’d be all right on the porch. It’s cooler out here anyway. Now come and get in.”

He shakes his head, “I don’t—“

“Come on,” she pleads. “You never swim with me, Ray.”

She’s being forward but they’ve never really had time to court until recently. They were just beginning to know one another when Daniel was born and they were thrown into the role of mother and father without much time to prepare.  Only since he’s gotten older and begun sleeping through the night have they had time to act like newlyweds.

She swims around a little more, looks back at him from over her shoulder and he finally gives in. “I have to go get my suit—“

“Well there are these things,” she cuts in. “They’re called underclothes and they made were made for a reason. “ Livy swims back at her bold words and studies him for a reaction. Ray is usually the one who backs off, the one who waits out her moods and offers steadiness in return. She doesn’t want it, but she expects him to smile shyly, say ‘hold on’ and go upstairs to get his things. Instead, he straightens his back, catches her eye and meets the dare in her words head on.

“Okay.”

Livy bites her lip in shock, trying not to stare too obviously as he grabs the neck of his shirt and pulls it over his head. She eyes his hipbones and glances away when he begins to unbutton his jeans. She doesn’t turn back until she hears him splash in next to her.

This isn’t the first time she’s seen so much of him—sharing a bed and a bathroom for a year took most of the mystery out of that a long time ago—but this is the first time he’s done it at her request.

A pulse, warm and slow, begins to work its way through her.

They circle one another shyly. Now that they’re here, neither of them seems to know what to do. Then he splashes her, catching her off guard for the second time in less than ten minutes and effectively breaking the ice. “You’re going to pay for that, Ray Singleton!”

She moves toward him quickly but he dodges her even faster and swims away. Livy gets him a few times—even though she’s got more than a sneaking suspicion that she only got that close because he allowed it—but he’s definitely better at maneuvering  than she is. She’s just managed to sneak a head dunk in when she swims away, her husband hot on her tail, and yelps loudly when he grabs her.

“Shhh,” he orders with a laugh, looking toward the porch. “You’re going to wake the baby.”

“He’s fine,” Livy whispers. Quieting down and grabbing his shoulders for leverage so she can wrap her legs around his waist. It’s a new position for them but he doesn’t seem to mind. “You’re being sassy this afternoon.”

“Sassy,” he repeats, feigning offense as she slicks his hair back from his face. “I don’t think anyone’s ever described me that way before.”

“Flirtatious, then,” she corrects lowly and tries not to fidget when she realizes he’s looking at her lips.

“Not many people have used that either.”

When he lowers his arms to grab her around the thighs, she looks down at his smiling face and leans forward to kiss him. It’s gentle at first, the sort of embrace they’ve been sharing for the past year. Livy links her arms behind his neck and licks his bottom lip for entry, groans when he obliges and pulls him closer.

 She wants more now.

Livy tugs one of the arms holding her up free and drags his hand up her body, stopping just below her breast. He starts to back off and she can anticipate his question. “Yes.” she says and pulls him back close. “Yes. Please.”

He moves his hand and it’s right where she wants it to be. With the thinness of the slip and the addition of the water, it’s almost like skin on skin. She circles her hips against his and Ray squeezes her thigh, leans into her limply, and groans “Liv.”

She wants to make him do that again.

Livy slides her palm down his chest, stops briefly at the top of his boxers before sinking lower. He makes a noise in the back of his throat that she’s never heard before. Then he thrusts against her hard—once, twice— before grabbing her hand and pulling it away. Ray’s almost gasping for breath as he kisses her knuckles and asks thickly, “Are you sure?”

She nods. Livy’s never been surer of anything. “Yes.”

“Later, then. I want—“ he doesn’t finish whatever he was going to say, just takes her face between his hands and kisses her deeply, then pulls away a second too early like he _has to_ or he won’t be able to stop. “Not now. In our bed, okay?”

She squeezes him tighter at those words before reluctantly moving away. “I should go wake Daniel. It’s getting late.”

Ray knows he won’t sleep through the night if his nap runs too long. Color washes into his face but instead of teasing him, she leaves him be. Livy swims to the water’s edge and climbs out, walks across the lawn and picks up Danny the way she has countless times before. The only difference this time is the way he’s watching her.

The rest of the evening goes as usual. Ray makes dinner while Livy keeps up with Daniel and works as Ray’s second in command.  They eat, take showers and Danny goes to sleep just as easily as always. Ray’s even getting dressed for bed when Livy walks into their room.

“It’s supposed to be nice out tomorrow,” he says casually. “Maybe we should bring Danny into town. Maybe go get something to eat.”

“Sure,” Livy, agrees, watching him as he purposefully tries not to look at her.

“Remember when he was smaller and we brought him to the park out there? He really seemed to like the swings.  Maybe I should buil—“

Livy moves to stand in front of him and starts to unbutton his nightshirt without a word.  She listens as his breathing ratchets up at her closeness.

“I thought maybe…” he starts. “I didn’t want to push—“

Livy slips her palms inside and steps into his space. “Kiss me.”

He does.

She pushes his shirt off his shoulders, leads him back to their bed and breathes a sigh of relief at the feel of his weight on top of her. _Finally_. She thinks. _This is finally happening._ He undoes the first two buttons on her dress, then pulls down the sleeve, her slip and bra strap down at once. She expects him to look but he ignores it for the moment and kisses her breathless. Lowers his face to her neck and palms her breast. Gently tweaks the nipple and bites down on the tendon in her neck with a moan when she gasps and arches into his touch.  

“Liv,” he starts, eyelids low with want and his gaze keeps darting between her face and the way he’s touching her. She’s never seen him like this, so on edge, and she kisses him again before he can speak. She doesn’t think she can stand to hear whatever he has to say right now. She just wants this. _She needs this_.

Livy reaches down to the elastic band of his sleep pants and his hand moves high up on her thigh, making her want to beg for something she thought she’d never crave again, when Daniel makes a noise.  She listens with one ear, waiting for it to taper off as he falls back asleep, but it only gets louder. Quickly working its way up to the high-pitched shriek, he makes when he’s beginning to work himself up to a truly earsplitting wail.

She turns to face the door, mutters, “the baby,” and moves to sit up, but Ray doesn’t seem to understand. He nuzzles the stretch of neck she’s revealed to him instead, and rocks into her roughly enough to make her gasp and clutch her legs tighter around his hips.

 _Again_ , she thinks, then swallows the demand and bites her bottom lip. She wraps her arms around his neck, crosses them at the elbow and kisses him tenderly before breaking the embrace. She can’t let him make her forget their other responsibilities.

“The baby’s crying. I have to go check on him.”

Ray finally seems to hear her and listens as Daniel lets out another scream. He doesn’t move though, just rests his forehead against her collarbone—trying to catch his breath—and lingers for seconds on end before getting up. “I’ll go.”

“No, I’ll—“ but he’s already standing and pulling his shirt back on.

She sits up, tugging her sleeve back into place when he stops what he’s doing and sits next to her. “I don’t want you to move,” he mutters, retuning the garment to its prior position. He stares at her for a moment and she lets him. “I want you to stay just like this.”

Her gaze follows him across the room as he goes to the pitcher and basin on their nightstand, pours some water and rinses his hands and his face. Ray only turns back when he’s reached the threshold of the door. “Wait for me,” he says, his face flatly serious as he leaves the room.

Her throat is dry, her mind working a thousand miles a minute but she doesn’t move.

Livy lays back and waits.

\--

Ray’s internal clock is usually more reliable than anything you could get at Sears and Roebuck but for the first time since she’s known him, he over sleeps and makes them miss the first five minutes of church service.  She’s even sort of proud of it though some part of her thinks the congregation can see what happened  all over them as they walk down the side aisle and grab the saved seats next to Martha and her family.

Service seems to move slower than usual that day. All she can seem to focus on is the man beside her. Livy decides to get him to skip the socializing afterward and take her home. She thinks of sitting next to him in the Beet Box; his arm across her shoulder as they fly down the back roads of Colorado, racing back to bed. When the service is over and she’s almost worked herself up to mention just that. She turns to see he’s off talking to the pastor and the two Ms. Parker’s are standing there, waiting to chat her ear off.

“Late to rise this morning, Mrs. Singleton?”

“It would seem so, Ms. Parker.”

They both stare at her for a moment too long before one of them continues. “Well at least they weren’t woken up by that awful man.”

“Who” she asks, distracted by thoughts of last night dreams of later today.

“The phone calls, dear.”

“You’ve been getting them,” the other one breaks in.

“We’ve all been getting them, the first sister continues before the both of them stare at her. Waiting for a reaction.

The image of three slips of paper stuck to her fridge comes to mind when Ray walks up and takes her arm.

“Thank you so much for the cake,” he says, raising the familiar tin.

“Of course,” they both agree. Staring up at him with rapt attention, Livy completely forgotten.

“We’re going to be making our way now.”

They wiggle their fingers after him as he leads her to the truck and makes sure she’s safely inside before walking back around and getting behind the wheel. She considers asking him about what the Parkers were talking about but his flat mouth and tense shoulders say it all.

The ride home is quiet.

In the weeks that follow, she begins to hear whispers—around the grocery store, when she goes to town to drop off letters or attend church— she’d never noticed before. 

_—A man came ‘round to us last week—_

_— Sam Stevens already sold his—_

_—I heard they’re offering a lot of money—_

She’s seen the headlines too: _Government slashes subsidies! Percentage of family run farms shrinks for the third year in a row!_ And that feeling of encroachment, of being overtaken sinks a hook into her and refuses to let go. She tries to find out more but Livy is still considered the new girl in town. People are too shy to get into a real conversation with her and Ray shuts down whenever she brings it up.

She’s just gotten Daniel to take a nap and pulled out some vegetables for an early dinner when the phone rings. Livy walks over to catch it, thinking it might be Rose or Florie about a visit. “Hello?”

“Good afternoon Ms! This is Mr. Shepherd again. Is Mr. Singleton home?”

She stills, thinking over possible answers before settling on the truth. “No sir. He’s out.”

“That’s a shame. I can’t ever seem to catch him.”

“We’ll he’s a very busy man. The work on a farm never ends.”

“Yes, I know,” he replies on a laugh “I grew up on one.”

“Really?”

“Yes ma’am. I know all about the hours.”

“I guess I don’t have to explain much to you then.”

“No, I guess not.”

She can hear a smile in his voice as she twists the chord between two fingers and with that small connection forged; she decides to ask him a question. “What exactly is it that you want, Mr. Shepherd?”

He’s silent for a moment. “I think it would be best for me to speak to your husband.”

 “Well he’s not here right now,” she states and hangs up before he can reply.

\--

They go to Martha’s once a week for dinner. All seven of them seated around the table with a high chair for Daniel. Though she’s been somewhat successful at expanding the topics of their conversations, they always work themselves back around to the harvest. What they’ve planted, what’s thriving and what’s dying.

She’s more interested in the minutia of farm life than she was in the beginning but it’s still not exactly fascinating. She’s thinking of books to rent from the library when Hank says something that catches her attention. “What meeting?”

Hank looks at her curiously before his eyes dart back to his brother in law, then to the rapidly cooling food on his plate.

“What meeting, Ray?”

“It’s just something all us farmers decided to do. To talk about next season’s planting and what not.”

Livy can see Martha watching them from the corner of her eye, so she smiles and nods as conversation resumes around her. She doesn’t want to make a scene, but the looks on everyone’s faces makes her well aware that there’s more to the story and she intends to find out what it is.

 Livy waits until they get home and sits at their kitchen table while Ray brings Danny upstairs. He takes a little longer than she thinks he should but when he comes back down, she calls him over. “What were they talking about?”

“Just a meeting everyone who farms has every year or so. We talk about who’s planting what and results other people have gotten.”

“And something more? I saw Hank’s face when he realized I didn’t know what was happening.”

Ray clears his throat and takes the seat next to her. “There’s a company been going to each of the farms trying to buy us all out. Our meetings usually go just the way I said but this year, we’re going to be talking about that and what we can do about it.”

Livy crosses her arms over her chest, ready to launch off into a million questions. “Is this to do with that man who keeps calling? Mr. Shepherd? “

“Yes, he’s the one.”

“Has anyone sold yet?”

He doesn’t answer right away and she can feel anxiety clawing its way into her chest.  “Ray?”

“The Petersons on the other side of town, the Jacobs and the man apiece up the road, Mr. Solomon. He sold today. That’s why we’re pushing the meeting up.”

“Oh _God_ …”

“Liv—“

“Why didn’t you tell me? Don’t keep things like that from me, Ray.” She continues before he can answer the question. “I want to help you. Let me.” She reaches out and puts her hand on top of his.

He looks at her with a weary smile. “Okay, Liv.”

She nods and squeezes before letting go. Ray is very open in many ways but she isn’t sure how he’ll react to the next idea of hers. “I really want to contribute more around here. There’s work I could do—“

“You don’t need to get no job,” he says with the sort of finality she’s rarely heard him issue, “and you contribute plenty. If you think that has to do with why I kept the meeting to myself, you’re wrong. I just didn’t want you to be worrying on nothing.”

“Nothing? The fact that somebody is trying to buy this place out from under us and people are selling left and right is not nothing!”

“Not _that many_ people are selling and I didn’t want to stress you in case—” He stops short, his cheeks warming with color as something familiar crosses his features.

“In case of…” she mimics, trying to kick start his thought process.

“Well…“

“What is it?”

He’s doing that thing where he looks at her out of the corner of his eye, like he’s embarrassed, before turning to look at her full on. “In case we might have us an extra little one crawling around this time next year.”

She doesn’t comprehend what he’s saying at first and when it finally dawns on her— _his hand on the back of her neck. His hips between her thighs._

_(“Are you sure?”)_

He’d been saying so much more than what she’d been able to hear. Something thick catches at the back of her throat. She can’t believe, after everything she’s been through with Daniel and how their marriage came to be, that this is the first time she’s even considered that possibility.

_A baby?_

Livy immediately schools her face into blankness, if Ray sees the shock she feels he’ll take it the wrong way—the _exact_ wrong way—and start treating her how he did in the beginning: with kid gloves, walking around on eggshells. That tension will return to the set of his shoulders and the thought of that is scarier than the knowledge that she could be pregnant and figuring out exactly what’s happening on this farm.

 _But I’m not pregnant_ , she reassures herself feverishly, _it was only once_.

 _Silly girl_ , her father’s voice responds, appearing from somewhere in the back of her mind. His disappointment in her clear, _you haven’t learned your lesson yet? Once is all it takes_.

Ray mistakes her silence for understanding and smiles. “It would be nice, you know. For Daniel to have a playmate.

“Yeah,” she says. Trying to sound, if not enthusiastic, not completely terrified.

Either she pulls it off or he’s too wrapped up in his own excitement because all Ray does is lean forward to kiss her and stand. “I’m going to get to bed, all right?”

Livy nods and feels dazed as he makes his way toward the staircase. “Are you coming up?”

“In a minute. I just have to make a call.”

“Good night then.”

“Night,” she says back, not really seeing him as he ascends the stairs and disappears from her sight.

Her first thought is to call Rose and Florie but they still don’t know everything about their past, and she’s not in the mood to explain it right now. Most of Livy’s old friends from back home shunned her when it got out why she’d suddenly left town and the only people she really knows here are Ray’s family. She walks to the phone and begins to dial the only number that she knows someone will answer and she’s almost thought better of it when she hears Abby’s voice.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Livy.” She finally responds after beating back a wild urge to hang up. “How are you?”

“Liv!” her sister says happily, making her feel bad for thinking of everyone else she could’ve called first. “I haven’t heard from you in awhile…”

“Yeah, sorry. You know how things are around here.”

“Yes, I know.” The line goes quiet for a moment. “What’s wrong? Your voice—“

She doesn’t bother trying to pretend she called to just talk. “I did something stupid.”

“That sounds familiar.”

Livy squeezes her eyes shut against the sudden stab of pain those words cause, and Abby makes an apologetic noise. “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for. I mean, it’s not like you’re—“ she breaks off and Livy can practically hear her sister realizing what’s happened. “Liv, you’re not…”

“Well he is my husband,” she says, not knowing why she feels the need to defend the two of them.

“I’m aware, but there are… supplies you could have—”

“I know! I just didn’t—” _Think! You never think_ , she scolds herself. _How could you be so stupid?_ “I’ve been so happy lately… I wasn’t planning for it to happen this way! I wanted things to be different this time.”

“Oh Livy,” she cuts in, “by the time I found out about it, daddy was already about to ship you off and it was too late for me to do anything. You should have told me first. I could have helped.”

“How?”

“Kent’s family has money, dear.” Her voice drops into the persuasive whisper Livy is more than familiar with. It’s a close cousin to the one she use to use to convince her that shoving gum into their pockets at the sweets shop would be a good idea.  Or that dropping out of school when mamma got sick was the only smart option.

 _Trust me_ , it says, _I know what’s best for you_.

“A girl goes to see a certain physician and when she comes out; her problem isn’t really an issue anymore. My husband is a complete travesty when it comes to the financials. He wouldn’t notice if one dollar was missing, he wouldn’t notice if a couple hundred were either.”

It’s dangerous what she’s suggesting—not only illegal but also immoral, according to their preacher. But if she’d known this was an option back then, she would’ve taken it without a second thought. It would have been the obvious choice for her, the right one for the life she was working toward. But she’s working toward a different life now and the answer isn’t so apparent anymore. Livy bites her lip and doesn’t respond. The line between them crackles with silence.

“It’s just a thought, of course,” Abby clarifies, her voice once again chirpy and sweet as molasses. She’s back to being the girl who taught Livy to French braid her hair. “I just want you to be okay, and you know I’d love to have more nieces and nephews since Kent and I aren’t able to try right now.”

Livy swallows in discomfort. If the news she’s heard about the severity of his injuries from the few people that have started to speak to her again are to be believed, they won’t _ever_ be able to start trying.  

She sighs and leans against the wall. She wishes Abby would confide in her but her sister has never been good at admitting what she considers shortcomings. Not when she honestly believes that she knows what’s best for everyone else.

Livy has to give her time.

“I don’t even know if I’m pregnant.  I just realized I could be and I got…” she trails off before picking back up with a light laugh. “I don’t have the best record when it comes to these things.”

“Yeah, I guess not,” Abby laughs before sobering up. “And I want you to know that things _are_ different this time, Liv. You’ve got Ray and you’ve got me.”

Livy’s surprised by how much her sister’s words affect her and she tries to steady her voice. “Thanks, I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Sure. Goodnight.”

“’Night.”

\--

The next morning, she’s awoken by a knock on the door. She shifts out from under Ray’s arm carefully and when Livy looks out from upstairs, there’s a gorgeous cherry red convertible sitting in their driveway. She quickly puts on her robe and, tiptoeing trying not to wake Ray, goes downstairs. When she flicks the curtain aside, a man she’s never seen before is standing with his back to her.

“Good morning.”

“Well good morning, Mrs. Singleton!” says a sunny voice she immediately recognizes and can now put a face to. Mr. Shepherd begins to move toward her.  “I was wondering if I could speak to your husband about—“

Livy steps forward, pulling the screen shut behind her with a firm, “no.”

He doesn’t seem to hear her though, his pitch so fully ingrained it’s rendered him deaf. He doesn’t stop moving forward either until the two of them almost collide. Only then does he recognize her stern face and the closed door.  He looks confused. “I’m sorry, Ms?”

“I said no, you cannot speak to him and I’m going to need you to get off my porch, sir.”

“Excuse me?”

“Having grown up on a farm, I’m sure you know that Saturdays are the only mornings farmers aren’t up and out of the house by 4. I’m not waking him up to talk to—” _a shyster like you_ — “a gentleman such as yourself.”

She doesn’t call him out of his name, but she can tell that he senses her true meaning. Mr. Shepherd stops beating around the bush. “We are prepared to offer him a fair price.”

“A fair price? Just what is the going rate for someone’s legacy these days Mr. Shepherd?”

The smile falls from his face. Even the slightly southern accent has disappeared when he speaks again. “You seem like a smart lady, so you must see what’s happening to other farms just like yours. With the amount we’re offering, you’d be able to set yourselves up in the city very comfortably and start new lives.  You must know that that’s the right choice. That you’ll regret this decision.”

His voice and the certainty she can feel in his words, scares her. But this is their farm, their life. They can’t just leave. Livy straightens and looks this stranger in his eyes. “If you don’t start moving toward your car, you’re the one that’ll have regrets. I have a right to protect my property, sir.”

He stumbles back once before spinning around and storming back to his expensive vehicle. She doesn’t turn her back until the dust marking his exit settles. When she steps back into the house, Ray’s up and lighting the stove for breakfast. She stands there as he cracks two eggs and gets them going before turning toward her. He looks oddly proud though his words are chiding. “You don’t even know how to fire that gun, Livy.”

“Yeah well, he didn’t know that.”

 “Liv—“

“Are we losing the farm?”

“What?”

 “We’re losing money aren’t we?” He doesn’t deny it and she goes on. “People are selling all around us—”

“When you work the land, there are good years and there are lean years. We just have to cut back a little.”

“It’s hard to cut back with two babies, Ray!”

She regrets the outburst at the hopeful look on his face. “Are you pregnant?”

“I don’t know,” she says miserably. “But I’ve been thinking about it and I’m—” _scared_. She almost doesn’t say it. The first time she admitted her vulnerability to a man, she ended up in a stranger’s bed. The second time, she was sent away. The third time, she was called a whore. But Ray isn’t those men.  She can trust him. She _does_ trust him. “I’m afraid.”

He pulls her and his arms and squeezes her shoulders. “Please don’t be. We own this house outright, Liv. No mortgage to worry about paying. That’s a lot better than most. I’ve got harvest coming up and the factory when it gets colder. You said you wanted to start looking for a job—“his mouth turns down at the mention of her working but Livy ignores it—“and we’ve got the land. We’re going to be all right.”

“And if we’re not? What if I am pregnant?”

“Then we’ll have us a baby. And if you aren’t,” a mischievous glint tints the curve of his mouth. “We’ll keep on trying.”

“Ray…” She’s not sure if she’s flirting back or warning him off and after another smile, he’s serious again.

“We’re farm people, Livy. We’ll make it work and if we have to, we’ll talk about selling a few acres     but—“ he goes on when she tries to talk over him. “That’ll be our last option and we’ll try to sell to Martha or our other neighbors first. We won’t sell it to—”She watches as he searches his mind for an acceptable name for Mr. Shepherd and the company he represents, comes up empty and finally settles on a terse, “ _them_.”

He’s said all the right things, everything she wanted to hear, but she still feels guilty. “Your land, you said it was your legacy.”

“This family is my legacy, Livy. I don’t need anything else.”

\--

Camp Amache will be closing soon. The government has issued a statement and the population has dwindled down to a few hundred people. They no longer need to be signed out, and Florie and Rose have been coming around the house a lot. After sending out resumes for weeks, Livy finally gets a call back and they’re helping her sew an interview dress as they talk about their plans. They want to return to California, possible future jobs and what they’re going to do with the rest of their lives.

Livy gladly listens, already beginning to miss them.

When the day comes, Ray makes her breakfast and she drops Danny off at Martha’s before beginning the hour drive into town, a bundle of nerves. She’s used to academia; to arguing points and talking things through. In being more interested in the journey than the destination. Though she’s held a few jobs in her life, most of them were gotten through her father’s church or her family’s connections. She’s never had to go searching for one.

Livy’s not used to doing it all on her own, but she’s getting better at it.

She pulls into the parking lot of a small government building in La Junta and when she goes inside, there’s a long line of people sitting along the corridor. Younger women in fashionable hats with red lips and older ladies clutching their purses in their laps. Livy didn’t expect so many other applicants. She sits gingerly, not looking forward to what is sure to be a long wait. When her name is finally called, the interview doesn’t go as well she’d hoped.

Her possible boss, a sour faced man in a pinstriped suit, doesn’t seem interested in her degrees, and she’s in and out of the door in five minutes. When she tells Ray about it over dinner that night, he squeezes her shoulder empathetically even though he never wanted her to work in the first place. Heeven encourages her to keep trying and all of her schooling finally comes in handy when Livy’s offered a highly coveted, part-time, secretarial position at the church.

It’s not exactly what she wanted, but it helps to keep their family fed and that’s enough.

As winter approaches and Ray takes up his position at the beet factory, their schedules keep them apart most days. He’s in the fields before she’s up and getting Daniel ready to go to Martha’s, then work. In the evenings when Ray’s at the factory and she ‘s been up for hours—feeding the baby, putting him to bed, trying to stay awake until midnight when Ray gets off work because he won’t wake her if she falls asleep—she imagines the life she could’ve had.

Digging in the dirt in far off places, teaching students who are just as excited by and invested in history as she is. She could have been meeting new people, going to parties in smoke filled rooms, making new friends. Danny makes a noise upstairs and she looks up at the ceiling, listening to him whine, move around a bit and fall back asleep.

Livy will never see Troy.

That doesn’t seem like such a loss anymore.

It’s just about 12:15 now and she stands slowly—it’s getting harder and harder these days—and walks to the door, looks through the curtain to see headlights coming up the deserted street. It’s freezing out, easily the coldest day of the year yet, but Livy reaches over and pulls her jacket on before opening the door and stepping outside. He’ll be pulling up the driveway soon, and she wants to be there to meet him.


End file.
